Follow me to my new website and my journey from screenplay to screen! AFTERMATH was completed this spring and went through revisions this summer, thanks to the notes from two producers. Gratefully, it has now found representation and soon a home.
Go to my NEW website where I continue my journey toward finding my Path in this life, sharing all the bumps and bruises on the way.
My parents, Philip C. Holmen and Jeannine R. Calande on their wedding day.
I’m writing this as my father is preparing himself to transition from this Earth into the expansive form of himself. I called him yesterday in the ICU to tell him how much I loved him. I could tell by his faint whisper of a voice that it wouldn’t be much longer. I had asked him several times if he wanted me to see him, and he said it was okay. I knew that I wanted my last memory of him to be of him smiling and telling jokes, not the frail shell of a man he is today.
I hold those memories close to my heart. I know I will be judged by my siblings of my decision not to rush to the hospital, but I have to do what feels right for me. I don’t believe in doing things out of guilt anymore, but doing things because it is out of Love. I chose to remember all of the things my father taught me over the years and it was because he loved me.
We all have a story to tell about our parents, though some may have a story of why their parents weren’t in their life. I was lucky to have both growing up. Being a writer, reflection is my pastime. I often reflect where I was in my life to understand where I am going. It’s within these reflections that I have grown. Entwined in my childhood were the lessons that my father taught me.
It’s a surreal time for me knowing I am here at this juncture. Knowing this is a normal process; we all must die. But to know someone’s time is bridging closer makes it all more clear to me. Reflecting on our life while living is the most important thinking we can do. I’m grateful for the times I’ve had to learn a little about this man and little more about me. Continue reading
It took several years to get to the point in my life that I could honestly say, “I feel fulfilled.” This came through the realization that I was finally at peace by myself. I could be anywhere at anytime and feel content to share that space alone and not feel desperate to have someone beside me. This didn’t mean I didn’t want to share my life with someone. I just didn’t feel the need to have someone there to feel fulfilled.
I wasn’t a needy child nor adult. I was very comfortable being independent and doing things by myself. Maybe I had it easier than most, but I did notice I could have gone down a different path if I didn’t start questioning myself why I wanted certain things or people in my life.
I have experienced many women friends unable to feel truly happy unless they were in a relationship. Many of them also felt the need to surround themselves with things, only to feel the same once they put the items in a closet.
Our media has inundated us with people desperately needing to have things or someone in their life; clothing, home goods, an animal, another piece of something they are after.
Yet, I also noticed many people always reaching for “something else,” again and again and still feeling lack.
”I rely far more on gut instinct than researching huge amounts of statistics.”
Sir Richard Branson
I can’t tell you how much of my life’s biggest ah-ha moments, deepest pain, and most joyous revelations all boiled down to me following my intuition or ignoring it! The process of learning to discern my intuition versus my logic brain actually didn’t take much practice. I learned quickly that if I put too much reasoning or logic behind my action/words, I would almost always regret my choice.
…learning to discern my intuition versus my logic brain
actually didn’t take much practice…
Since I was a little girl, my gut instinct was very strong, however I was not surrounded by people willing to let me know if I was ‘reading’ the situation correctly or not. It’s not easy telling someone they are being insecure or fearful because your gut told you so, and then asking them if you were right. More than likely they’d respond with, ” you don’t know what you’re talking about,” or “what do you know, you’re just a kid.” Training myself to believe in my gut became easier as I got older, especially after I got married. Now it wasn’t because marriage brought a sense of peace and tranquility into my life. It was exactly the opposite.