Follow me to my new website and my journey from screenplay to screen! AFTERMATH was completed this spring and went through revisions this summer, thanks to the notes from two producers. Gratefully, it has now found representation and soon a home.
Go to my NEW website where I continue my journey toward finding my Path in this life, sharing all the bumps and bruises on the way.
My parents, Philip C. Holmen and Jeannine R. Calande on their wedding day.
I’m writing this as my father is preparing himself to transition from this Earth into the expansive form of himself. I called him yesterday in the ICU to tell him how much I loved him. I could tell by his faint whisper of a voice that it wouldn’t be much longer. I had asked him several times if he wanted me to see him, and he said it was okay. I knew that I wanted my last memory of him to be of him smiling and telling jokes, not the frail shell of a man he is today.
I hold those memories close to my heart. I know I will be judged by my siblings of my decision not to rush to the hospital, but I have to do what feels right for me. I don’t believe in doing things out of guilt anymore, but doing things because it is out of Love. I chose to remember all of the things my father taught me over the years and it was because he loved me.
We all have a story to tell about our parents, though some may have a story of why their parents weren’t in their life. I was lucky to have both growing up. Being a writer, reflection is my pastime. I often reflect where I was in my life to understand where I am going. It’s within these reflections that I have grown. Entwined in my childhood were the lessons that my father taught me.
It’s a surreal time for me knowing I am here at this juncture. Knowing this is a normal process; we all must die. But to know someone’s time is bridging closer makes it all more clear to me. Reflecting on our life while living is the most important thinking we can do. I’m grateful for the times I’ve had to learn a little about this man and little more about me. Continue reading
10,000 miles in seven weeks has brought me to my new life. Leaving our 3,700 square foot home to our new 45 foot boat in Florida brings many unexpected challenges and joy. Giving up the safety-net job of teaching was the first step, then it was putting all of my life into the back of my Dodge Avenger. (That’s when I realized that everything in my life was truly temporary!) I also realized that picking and choosing items to keep in life and those to let go of can be emotional, yet freeing.
Things to Keep
Some things were easy to keep. The things that make life a little easier, as well as things that brought me joy. It was the memories of friends I had made in the past 25 years living in Nevada. They were there for me for a reason or a season, though only a few were for longer. The memories of those that made me laugh or listened to my sorrows will always hold a special place in my heart. The memories of having groups of friends where monthly get-togethers were fun diversions, to watching their children grow making us feel a little older and wiser. Also, the beauty of Lake Tahoe and the places that brought me happiness. I often visit those places in my mind when I need a pick me up.
Things I Got Rid Of Continue reading
I don’t regret going to Alaska. It taught me so much about my intuition and those that suffer from mental illness. I feel this journey only made me a better writer exploring the human experience.
Signs Like a Totem Pole
The plane landed in Anchorage without delay. I wasn’t sure what to expect from my first views of Alaska after researching it for the past five months. Green, lush pine groves, tall snow laden mountains and large blue skies would be the backdrop to my first feature film.
Krystal had already grabbed her backpack and was bubbling over with anticipation and a little apprehension. Would this be the same Alaska she knew 25 years ago? I was to write her life story, a feature film about the events that led her back to the man who broke her heart so many years ago and the woman she had now become.
It was a story of survival and redemption. I was excited that this movie could launch her career as a Life Coach. Little did I know that this trip would be a shocking discovery of broken dreams, harsh realities and a tattered soul.
It took several years to get to the point in my life that I could honestly say, “I feel fulfilled.” This came through the realization that I was finally at peace by myself. I could be anywhere at anytime and feel content to share that space alone and not feel desperate to have someone beside me. This didn’t mean I didn’t want to share my life with someone. I just didn’t feel the need to have someone there to feel fulfilled.
I wasn’t a needy child nor adult. I was very comfortable being independent and doing things by myself. Maybe I had it easier than most, but I did notice I could have gone down a different path if I didn’t start questioning myself why I wanted certain things or people in my life.
I have experienced many women friends unable to feel truly happy unless they were in a relationship. Many of them also felt the need to surround themselves with things, only to feel the same once they put the items in a closet.
Our media has inundated us with people desperately needing to have things or someone in their life; clothing, home goods, an animal, another piece of something they are after.
Yet, I also noticed many people always reaching for “something else,” again and again and still feeling lack.
There is truly no other way to say this as well as Prince Ea has in this video.
I thought this fitting before Valentine’s Day.
My Parents … A Lesson in Understanding
It is interesting to flash back through your life and realize the beginning of a new shift of thought. I was a eight when I saw my parents as fallible for the first time. I was cognizant of it when it occurred, and I withdrew into my own inner space afterwards. They had made an erroneous, prejudice remark about a playmate of mine, and at that moment I realized they were human. Children aren’t born with prejudices, they are taught. I felt it in my ‘gut’ that they were wrong, a strong pang right under my belly button. It was the first time I stood up and told them that their thoughts about my friend were wrong. They changed their stance after my argument, but I’ll never forget looking at them in a different way after that. I realized it was a lesson for me to learn about empowerment, and it has stayed with me for over 38 years. From that point on, I was to see each individual in my life as someone that was to teach me something I needed to learn. But my ‘gut’ was telling me more. Continue reading