It took several years to get to the point in my life that I could honestly say, “I feel fulfilled.” This came through the realization that I was finally at peace by myself. I could be anywhere at anytime and feel content to share that space alone and not feel desperate to have someone beside me. This didn’t mean I didn’t want to share my life with someone. I just didn’t feel the need to have someone there to feel fulfilled.
I wasn’t a needy child nor adult. I was very comfortable being independent and doing things by myself. Maybe I had it easier than most, but I did notice I could have gone down a different path if I didn’t start questioning myself why I wanted certain things or people in my life.
I have experienced many women friends unable to feel truly happy unless they were in a relationship. Many of them also felt the need to surround themselves with things, only to feel the same once they put the items in a closet.
Our media has inundated us with people desperately needing to have things or someone in their life; clothing, home goods, an animal, another piece of something they are after.
Yet, I also noticed many people always reaching for “something else,” again and again and still feeling lack.
How can a complete Soul need someone or something to be fulfilled?
So, how did I finally feel okay with just ME? It wasn’t easy. I understood the basic teachings of Eckhart Tolle, however I had to learn that I could only impact those around me by being true to myself. That meant that I had to accept that I wasn’t happy or content in a situation and it was up to ME to get me out of it- not the other person to change.
Expecting someone else to change is like expecting the Moon to shine a little brighter on a particular night; it just doesn’t happen.
I had to be honest with myself first. I had to take a close look at my relationships and not just the romantic ones. Ironically, I felt good about ending my marriage six years ago. I knew I had grown up and out of the relationship, however it took time for me to be okay with knowing I was going to be alone as a single mom. Keeping the lines of communication open with my daughter helped me with the inadequacies I was feeling without having a loving partner to support me.
It is not either a good or bad thing to want. I would ask myself why do I need it or someone in the first place. If there was discomfort in the answer, then it was based on emotional needs and not a physical need. I realized anything that fed me emotionally had to be given an even more critical lens.
Did it/them make me feel happy, joyous or alive? Then it was a good thing.
Was I feeling insecure, uneasy or unsure? Then I knew to walk away from it.
I want to live on a boat, and we are working on how this will manifest. The desire for a boat comes from a place inside me that would like a new experience. As a writer, I can be anywhere to practice my craft. A boat would give me the opportunity to see things and have experiences I have not yet had. I will most likely get to meet a lot of interesting people and have a lot of great things to write about. This is all good.
If I don’t get the boat, will I be okay? Of course, since I am still content with myself. Will I get a boat? Yes!
When you are fulfilled within, life doesn’t seem as stressful. I see many opportunities and adventures before me, and I now know they are just the icing on the cake.
Want more like this, visit My Bento Box Life: Out of the Box, Into Life