Practicing the life of a writer is much more fun than the practicality of it. I could be bogged down with the fears of how was I going to make it, rather than the sheer joy of creating.
I am taking a leave of absence from teaching to heal myself from stress and begin my life as a writer. It took me several years to finally get myself to this point and start my dream.
Why did it take so long? Life got in the way. From being a mother and wife, then a divorce to freedom, I never found the inner strength I needed to believe in myself.
Then the pieces seemed to fall into place, once I allowed myself to see the signs.
The first sign was my health. It started with brain-fog and forgetfulness. Then it grew into fatigue. The mere thought of taking a nap overshadowed writing or working out. Weight gain crept onto the scale without me noticing right away, until I noticed my wardrobe diminishing to leggings and sweats. That menacing stressed-induced Cortisol became my nemesis.
The second sign was my discomfort in my career. Although my teaching career morphed into me training teachers in best practices, I realized I wasn’t being challenged anymore. I was good at what I did and had a successful program, however it wasn’t causing me to wake up excited, but rather tired and pained. I also didn’t believe in the ’cause’ anymore. Education has to go through a major shift, before I can become passionate in it again.
The third sign was not so obvious. Everything was lining up in my life to take the jump, however it took me awhile to notice. We get so busy with the practical sides of things, that it’s easy to overlook how things come into alignment when we are ready.
I had the most amazing man in my life that supported me in everything I did. He was also retired, so we naturally had the freedom to start traveling and do the things we’d been dreaming to do. My daughter was also heading to college after a volunteer internship in Thailand for three months, so the freedom to put toward my writing again was prevalent. All was good.
It took the words from my doctor to finally make me realize I needed to take care of myself and all would fall into place. My body was screaming at me to take a leap of faith, but I just needed someone to tell me it was okay to jump. “If not now, Debbie, when? Take off from work and figure that out.”
“If not now, when? Take off from work and figure that out.”
It was that simple.
That was only three months ago, and now I am writing full-time. I am feeling a wealth of excitement and anticipation.
I choose practicing the life of a writer, than worry about the practicality of it now. All will fall into place as it should.
**Update** March 29th, 2016
My daughter just got into Brandeis University and we didn’t know where the money would come, but we always said to each other it will be there for us. We just needed to take a leap of faith and not be so practical. Two weeks after acceptance, we received her financial package and cried. She received a scholarship covering her first year at school! We feel so blessed and are so grateful for believing.