“You’re Too Good to be True”: Or, the Great Lie We Tell Ourselves…

“Have enough courage to trust love one more time and always one more time.”  ― Maya Angelou

toogoodtobetrue

It’s hard when you are in a budding relationship and those words are spoken. They were told to me early on in a previous relationship sending an early warning sign to my heart.  Being told you are ‘too good to be true’ sends a message that your actions and intentions are being questioned. It took me a long time to realize it was actually their issue of trust and being vulnerable, though as the receiver it can still hurt… a lot.

I had always wondered about those characters in movies that could masterfully manipulate their victims or cleverly get out of impossible death-defying situations.  I am not one of those people.  Yes, I’ve been blessed in many ways that have provided me wonderful surprises and memorable events, however I don’t have a manipulative mind.  To manipulate someone for your own intentions means you aren’t receiving their authentic actions, either.

I have learned to love people from my heart.  When you can learn to give love from the purest of places, your intentions are only for the good and everyone benefits.  Yes, it leaves you incredibly vulnerable, but I have also learned that it can also open the most amazing paths to Love.  Have I had that kind of amazing relationship?  I thought I did, but then I was told, ‘you’re too good to be true.  And, sadly, yes, I have been badly hurt by giving of my true heart.  Should I give up? No.

“To manipulate someone for your own intentions

means you aren’t receiving their authentic actions, either.”

I have realized when someone says those words, they are saying it because they doubt themselves.  They doubt that they are good enough, worthy enough or do not love themselves.  I am learning on this journey of mine that Love cannot always conquer all.  You have to be strong enough to love yourself, so when you meet someone else’s insecurities, you can do one of two things.

  1. Share your own insecurities, so they know they aren’t alone in this journey.  It also shows that you trust them enough to be vulnerable.  Many people want to be perfect before they meet ‘the one’, however most of us know that perfection isn’t an ideal to pursue, nor obtainable.  This can either provoke them to stay in the relationship to grow and learn together, or they can stay stuck in believing they are ‘less’ than everyone else.  When this occurs its best to follow #2.

2.  Send them Love and walk away.

Walking away is a form of Love, too.  It shows that you love yourself enough not to be questioned about your intentions, and that you hold no ill-will against them.  Too often people stay in relationships too long, when walking away in the beginning might have been for the best.  Many relationships are rekindled when both realize they need time to grow on their own.  It also provokes a necessary shift in thought for the doubter.  Hopefully, they will see that their lack of trust in love comes from a deeper part of themselves that needs to be repaired.  So, from that point they can finally work on themselves first, before jumping too soon into a relationship.

“Many people want to be perfect before they meet ‘the one’,

however most of us know that perfection isn’t an ideal to pursue,

nor obtainable.”

Trust is the biggest factor in relationships.  The ‘doubter’ has to decide to trust that the person in front of them doesn’t want to hurt them.  However, humans seem to be preprogrammed to be mistrusting of things they don’t understand.  Our media is an atrocious perpetrator of fear mongering.  Creating doubt in the minds of people is their job. We can’t watch a story on the news about someone’s act of kindness without someone else questioning their intentions.  We also don’t see the news creating hour long shows on the good that’s happening in America; that doesn’t sell air time.  Reprogramming our minds to believe there is good in the world will take eons, but I am hoping to see it in my lifetime.

So, in learning about myself in these past few years, I’ve realized that I can only be one way with the people I meet;  myself. This way they know exactly what they are getting, if they allow themselves to trust.  Do I have insecurities? Of course I do, but I’m not ashamed of them.  I know it makes me who I am, and anyone willing to take a leap of faith will truly learn how to love.
ernest h

“The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.”
Ernest Hemingway

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